I'm not Always This Sad; But I'm Never This Happy.

I wish I still smiled like that.

Cruising old comic books recently I came across these advertisements for bicycles.

It seems Sears had discovered the streamline school of design about 50 years later than the automotive and motorcycling industries and (appropriately?) applied it the bicycle. "It looks like it's moving even when it's standing still." The kids seem thrilled with it though.

This next one came out of an issue of Barbie's comic book autographed by the cover artist. A friend of mine told me she earned it modeling as a Barbie for F-A-O Swarz in the third grade. I believe there may have been some gender confusion with regards to this ad's placement as it is obviously a boy's bike.

It is my sincere opinion that this particular model, Dr. Shock, may very well qualify for the worst fenders ever put on a bicycle. In this same issue Barbie herself rode down from her ivory tower of class and refinement, displaying all of her equestrian prowess and talent for high-living, to confront a lowly bicyclist and interrogate him about the location of a lost horse.

I think the subtext of class warfare is absolutely overt here, especially in Barbie's accusatory tone. The message is clear Barbie, the baroness of industry, cannot pedal a bicycle like the rest of the rabble so she must die. She must lose all of the symbols of her materialism: like her pink Corvette and Jeep, her Mansion, and that kept house-boy Ken. All of Barbie's writers and artists were obviously communists and I hope there subversive work was exposed in time to save the minds of our darling daughters.

I also found a bit of nostalgia in an Archie comic. One of those old child-labor fund-raising scams where you were supposed to sell crap for cool stuff.

This looks suspiciously like my elementary school bike which makes me think it must have been completely worthless if they were giving it to kids for peddling their trash.

This skateboard looks like a hot ticket though.

Later that day after giving me these comic books my friend, the Barbie doll model, accompanied me to a tool store. Wandering through the store she informed me that a childhood friend of hers had died at 13 inflating a bicycle tire when a air compressor tank blew up. She is apparently full of strange stories.

I purchased a new grease gun to re-pack hubs with:

On the left next to the cone wrench.

It was $5 and it works great so long as you hold it upside down.